Book Review: Maybe He Just Likes You,* by Barbara Dee, published October 1, 2019, 320 pages, Lexile 640, recommended for grade levels 4-12. Please note: this book is not yet in the Pageturner library and requires student requests for purchases to be made.
Finally, here is a novel dealing with the sexual harassment bullying often occurring in middle grades, treated with honesty and warmth, as told from a 7th grade girl’s point of view. We open with three girls and a boy names Max celebrating a birthday on the blacktop of the public school’s outdoor lunch/recess yard. It’s Naomi’s birthday, but as they call her Omi, they’ve made a big circle of pebbles in an O-shape and stand inside together to hug in a circle of friendship. Suddenly, four boys from the basketball team are on the periphery, hugging all of them—but it’s an awkward, uninvited clinch. It’s also completely unfamiliar, and the girls all respond a bit differently. One, named Zara, has a crush on one of the boys: Leo.
Our protagonist is Mila, who thought up the idea for the circle. She’s already dealing with issues in her home life; her father deserted the family when she was 6, a year after her younger sister, Hadley was born. Hadley is now 7, and Mila is 12. Their mom is doing her best to keep them afloat financially, as their dad is a scofflaw who’s failed to pay any child support the whole time. Meanwhile, Mila’s body is changing; her jeans are a bit too tight, and she’s taken to wearing just one fuzzy green sweater, the only one she has left that’s not too snug across her chest. Mila is acutely aware of their tight budget and loath to ask for new clothes, so she manages her old wardrobe as best she can. Hadley, however, doesn’t understand the lack of money and is always demanding purple tights, pink boots, a pink puffer jacket, ice cream, and all the rest that occupies a 7-year old mind of wants and needs. Mila’s self-confidence has already teetered for years, because of her dad:
“…[T]he thing about Dad was, he could hurt your feelings without yelling too. One time, when I was about five, I remember begging him to carry me on his back, and he said, “No, Mila, you’re getting too heavy. If you want me to play with you, keep away from the cookies!” Mom scolded him for saying that, and he just laughed. Which was the worst part, if you really thought about it. And in first grade I wore a cherry jelly bean costume for Halloween, and Dad said, “Well, I guess Mila’s pretty princess days are over.” When I burst into tears, Mom hugged me and said, “Dad is just noticing you don’t wear princess costumes anymore, not that you aren’t pretty!” And Dad didn’t say, Oh, Mila, of course that’s what I meant! He didn’t say anything, actually. There were plenty of other times I could remember when Dad said mean things, or things that were just mean enough. Or said nothing when he should have said something. Until finally he just packed up and left, and except for one birthday present when I was six, I didn’t hear another word from him, ever.”
The crux of misogyny, of course, never STARTS with the boys. It’s behavior they learn from the programmed men--and women-- in their lives. I never had a brother, but my father was a master in misogyny. Years before I reached puberty, he used to say all the time (only to me, never to my older sister), “Ya know, kitty, the nearer to bone the sweeter the MEAT!” How I hated that nickname, which he only ever used with this singular line! While I had no idea exactly what it meant, every time he said it I would pack in a half gallon of ice cream and two packages of two cookies as the only defense I had. He scared me. So, too, as she began her journey into puberty, Mila’s self-defenses were already cracked.
Then she’s cornered in a schoolroom with these same boys, who tell her it’s Leo’s birthday and she needs to give him a hug:
“And then I had this thought: They haven’t moved from the door. I’ll need to pass them to get out of here. This isn’t a choice. “Okay, fine,” I said, pretending to laugh. I walked over to Leo, threw my arms around him and squeezed once. “Happy birthday.” “Fuzzy sweater,” he replied, grinning.” They had told her Zara had hugged Leo for his birthday, so why not her? Later, she asks Zara:
“’Did you hug Leo on the bus just before? Like we did for Omi yesterday?’ ‘Leo?’ Zara blinked. She was finally waking up. ‘Why would I do that?’ ‘You know. For his birthday.’ ‘You mean today?’ I nodded. ‘Mila, Leo’s birthday is in December.’” The girls then discuss this event, morphing it into, “Maybe he just likes you.” By 7th grade, girls have already been groomed to expect a bit of unwanted attention, some misdeeds, maybe a little violence—as signs of affection from boys. I was always told, “Ah, it’s just their way, boys will be boys.” Now that I’m way past menopause and free to be invisible, I’m beginning to realize how very many times throughout my entire life I was victimized, not loved, by both boys and men. Mila, meanwhile, is trying to figure out where the lines are:
“Are people— and by people, I mean the basketball boys— seeing something about me that I can’t? Am I missing something about myself? Something obvious?”
Mila waffles about what’s happening throughout the book, as these instances of casual cruelty intensify. At one point, her ‘best’ friends actually accuse HER, “Zara kicked some pebbles. ‘Well, Mila, no one can hug you if you don’t let them,’ she said, not smiling, not looking at me.” At various points, she wonders if she’ll lose her circle of friends altogether-- but she knows how she feels inside--not wonderful butterflies in her stomach, but scary moths-- and deep down, rage is beginning to look for its outlet. At home, her mother, too, is struggling. Mila overhears a tearful conversation in which her dad clearly refuses to pay a dime. At work, her mom is also being harassed by her boss, a Mr. Reingold. Mila sees that mom is worried about losing her job, and she realizes what that would mean for the three of them.
The boys are constantly taking over her space, touching her, not letting her get off the after school bus without taking some physical abuse, and then, squeezing her butt. When she tries to see the woman listed as her guidance counselor, she learns that counselor is on maternity leave and an interim counselor is male; no replacement has yet been assigned. She tries to convey what’s happening, but he tells her he can’t do anything unless she specifies exactly what’s happening, with whom, and insists that they should all meet. She cringes away in despair. He advises her, “’I can tell you from experience that the best course of action is to try to ignore them.’ But that’s impossible. They won’t let me ignore them! I nodded..” This man has NEVER experienced what Mila is experiencing. He’s failed her.
Zara continues to be a real tool. “’You know, Mila,’ she cut in sharply, “I really don’t get why you think all those boys are so obsessed with you. It’s a little weird, to be honest. Because you’re not the only girl in our grade with boobs.” My mouth dropped open. ‘I didn’t say I was! And it’s not even about my—' ‘So why are you saying they’re all so in love with you? Including Leo?’ ‘Zara, I’m not saying that at all! This isn’t about love, or like; this is about them bothering me!’ ‘It’s bullying,’ Max said.” Max is their gay friend, the only guy in their group, and Mila had made him report his being bullied last year, which had resolved the problem for Max. He’s the first to call the situation what it is. Zara, however, continues to run interference:
“’Oh, Max, no one’s bullying anybody,’ Zara said, rolling her eyes. ‘It’s called flirting, okay? Don’t be such a baby.’.. Max crossed his arms and scowled. ‘Well, it sure doesn’t feel like flirting to me,’ I said. ‘Are you sure?’ Zara asked. ‘How would you know, Mila? Have you ever been flirted with before?’ ‘Come on, Zara,’ Omi said softly. ‘That’s not really fair.’ Zara ignored her. ‘Look, Mila, there’s got to be a reason why they’re picking you. Those boys are super awkward and stupid sometimes, but they aren’t monsters, right? So maybe if you think about what you’re doing—' ‘I’m not ‘doing’ anything, Zara!’ ”
Then Omi surprises Mila at home, saying she can only stay a few minutes, but she has to tell her something. Her friend Hunter (formerly Max’s nemesis) has shown her something on his phone, although he refuses to send it to her:
“’[H]e showed me …this sort of game the boys are playing. Like a scorecard.’ ‘Uh-huh.’ My mouth dried up. I felt cold. ‘And Mila, it was about you. The points were for saying things to you, touching your body, your clothes—' Omi’s hand flew to her mouth, and she started crying. ‘I’m so sorry.’” So, great. Now she knows this is serious, but she has no evidence.
Threatened with being fired, at home Mila’s mom quits her job on the spur of the moment. In the interim she’s found a fantastic new exercise center called E Motion. She needs that physical outlet and takes the girls along. Soon all three are taking classes: mom in Jazzercise (which I remember fondly), Hadley in dance, and Mila in karate, for the two free weeks before they have to sign on and begin paying. In karate, Mila gets to know Samira, a classmate who’s seen some of this abuse on the bus and in band practice and recognizes it for what it is—she seconds Max’s opinion. Samira gently introduces her to the formalities of karate but also tells the teacher, their sensei, Mila’s story, requesting lessons in self-defense. Ms. Platt is enthusiastic, and so is Mila. When Callum, first chair in trombone to her second, tries to pull another one, she sidekicks him. For this she earns 3 days of detention to his one.
Thinking to ask Erica, the E in E Motion, for a part-time job, Erica mistakenly assumes they’re talking about her MOM—and mom gets the job as E Motion’s in house accountant. Now their lessons are free. Mila begins to find her kiai (1), the karate yell used both in attack and in falling. She learns:
“‘First rule of self-defense is: Don’t ask your attacker for validation. Never apologize for sticking up for yourself… don’t cross your arms…that communicates vulnerability. Aim for a confident, relaxed stance, good posture, neutral expression on your face, hands open and in front of you. Or hands on your hips; that looks more confrontational, which may be what you want, depending on the circumstances.” Mila’s self-confidence grows in leaps and bounds.
Finally, there’s the penultimate event: the school’s annual musical performance. Their band will play last: Callum is first chair. Because of her kicking him, Mila lost second chair and is now in the rear. Despite her being as good as Callum, and having practiced intensively, nobody will be able to hear her. Samira plays oboe:
“In a minute you’ll be onstage— “Hey, Mila,” Callum murmured. Look straight ahead. Band posture. “Mila.” Kiai with the eyes— “Hey, Mila, listen. Mila. You know what? I can see right through your shirt.” And after that all I heard was laughing.” As Callum begins the first notes of his solo, Mila blasts an off-note. He starts again, and she does it again. Now he’s confused and doesn’t know whether to start over when Samira, too, blasts a sour note. Soon, other girls are joining in. Ms. Fender, the band teacher, apologizes to the audience and aborts the performance. When she asks Mila for an explanation, Mila pours it all out. Her tears flow along with her apologies. In Ms. Fender, she’s finally found an advocate:
“‘Sexual harassment—and that’s what this sounds like to me, Mila—is something I take very seriously,’ she said in a quiet, careful voice when I finally finished. ‘And not just because it happened to me, too.’” She asks Mila to let her deal with it, and then has all the boys attend a “community meeting,” along with anyone Mila wants to invite, which includes a previous victim, and also that unhelpful counselor. She also asks Mila to tell her mom, and she does. In the end, as a grand finale:
“All four boys got three weeks of detention, and Mr. McCabe kicked them off the basketball team. They could rejoin it in the spring, he said, but only if they “demonstrated respect for the entire school community.” Justice, here, was delayed because Mila first felt shame and self-doubt, while her friends presented wrong points of view because, they, too, were taught to endure boys, or think of abuse as loving tenderness. It’s sad that it took a woman who had also been sexually harassed to step in and resolve the issue—that speaks to a lack of awareness and training, especially among teachers and guidance counselors--which is hopefully being addressed.
Today, misogyny is on the rise; there’s an entire political party that considers women only good for bearing and raising children and doing housework. (2) JD Vance and Andrew Tate (3) are just two among a horde teaching boys to own women and treat them like chattel, when really, boys need most to cry without feeling shame. Happily, at least, for Mila, “All’s well that ends well.” It behooves the rest of us to do more than vote. For further reading, see (4).
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*Maybe He Just Likes You, “Honors and Lists:
· ALA Notable Children’s Books 2020 (Middle Grade–Older Readers
· Edutopia’s 25 Essential Middle School Reads from the Last Decade
· ALA 2020 Rise: A Feminist Book Project List (Middle Grade—Fiction)
· Washington Post’s Best Children’s Books of 2019
· 2020-2021 Project Lit selection
· 2020 Bank Street College of Education Best Books of the Year
· CBC 2020 Notable Social Studies Trade Books for Young People
· First Runner-Up, 2021 Rhode Island Middle School Book Award
· 2022 Rebecca Caudill Young Readers’ Book Award / Illinois Children’s Choice Award list
· 2021-2022 Kentucky Bluegrass Award, Grades 6-8
· 2021-2022 Evergreen Teen Book Award (Washington), Middle School List
· Keystone to Reading Secondary Reading List (Pennsylvania)
· Kansas 2021-2022 William Allen White Children’s Book Award list, Grades 6-8
· Kansas NEA Reading Circle List Intermediate Title
· 2020-2021 Maine Student Book Award
· Garden State Teen Book Award (New Jersey), Grades 6-8
· 2022 Oregon Reader’s Choice Award, Grades 6-8
· Wisconsin State Reading Association’s 2020 “Just One More Page” Recommendation List
· Maryland Association of School Librarians 2020-2021 Black-Eyed Susan Book Award, Grades 6-9
· North Carolina Middle School Battle of the Books
· 2020-2021 Vermont Middle-Grade Children’s Book Award
· 2021-2022 Virginia Reader’s Choice Award, Grades 6-8
· Honor Title, 2021-2022 Louisiana Young Readers Choice Award, Grades 6-8
· 2022-2023 Georgia Children’s Book Award, Grades 6-8
· 2022-2023 Pennsylvania Young Reader’s Choice Award, Grades 6-8
· 2021 Lone Star Texas Annotated Reading List
· Joliet Reads List (Illinois)
· Sakura Medal (Japanese International Schools)
· 2019 Cybils (Middle Grade Fiction)
· 2019 Middle Grade Fiction Nerdies list
· A Mighty Girl’s 2019 Books of the Year
· Betsy Bird’s Best MG Novels of 2019
· Pernelle Ripp’s Best Books of 2019
· A Denver Public Library Best & Brightest Chapter Books of 2019
· 2024-2025 North Carolina Battle of the Books
· Press:
· New York Times: Why More Children’s Books Are Tackling Sexual Harassment and Abuse (2020)
· SLJ’s The Yarn podcast names MAYBE HE JUST LIKE YOU Colby Sharp’s favorite MG novel of 2019 (starting at 10:22).
(1) “What is Kiai?
(1) Breaking down the word, ki means energy and ai means to harmonize. Put together, kiai means to focus or direct your energy. This energy can be released in a shout or can be silent.
(2) A kiai shout is a quick release of energy that comes from the stomach, not the throat. The sound you make depends on your style or dojo – most have a sound that they use and a set of reasons for that particular sound. Whatever you do, don’t yell “KIAI!” Don’t be afraid to be loud either – kiai is supposed to be loud!
(3) A silent kiai can be thought of as focusing your will. You’re taking your energy and expressing it as determination and strength, which often shows through your appearance. Your eyes are focused, you’re standing up straight, and looking powerful. When done correctly, others will notice!
(4) Kiai is Used For
(5) Practice in certain kata
(6) To intimidate an opponent
(7) To harmonize your energy
(8) To find your fighting spirit
(9) How to Find Your Kiai
(10) Kiai comes from the diaphragm - the same muscle that you use to cough. Try coughing and take note of where you feel the muscle contract in your stomach. Get used to this feeling and try adding a sound instead of a cough."
Great kiai can be heard in this iaido kata video!” Excerpted from: https://www.japanesemartialartscenter.com/learnmore/kiai-karate-ann-arbor
(2) “ There is now an alarming swath of the country living with laws crafted with the patriarchal view that pregnant women are little more than vessels for what abortion opponents oxymoronically refer to ‘unborn children’.” See: https://www.thesunchronicle.com/opinion/editorial-pregnant-women-are-not-incubators/article_fbc8283a-8b53-5f71-a9c0-73874f9b1084.html
“On the issue of abortion access and reproductive care, the alarming trend of judges seemingly deciding legal cases based on their reported personal and political beliefs over the rule of law can be seen at every level of the judiciary. This column reviews three legal decisions currently at the heart of the fight for abortion access and reproductive care: the Alabama IVF case, Alliance for Hippocratic Medicine v. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), and Idaho v. United States. On February 16, 2024, “the Supreme Court of Alabama, which overruled the decision on an 8-to-1 vote last month and held that stored embryos can be afforded the same legal protections as children under the Wrongful Death of Minor Act of 1872. Notably, all the judges who decided this case were elected in the state of Alabama as Republican judicial candidates.” This case gave those rights to bunches of cells so small as to be undetectable to the human eye, only visible through a microscope. This effectively eliminates the rights of women of childbearing age in favor of those cell clumps. The case would’ve ended IVF fertilization, but AL’s MAGA legislature did manage to pass a bill allowing it. See: https://www.americanprogress.org/article/how-the-alabama-ivf-ruling-is-connected-to-upcoming-supreme-court-cases-on-abortion/
(3) JD Vance is the third name assumed by Donald Trump’s appointed vice presidential candidate, who utterly discounts women on a regular basis.See: https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/30/politics/kfile-jd-vance-history-disparaging-people-without-kids/index.html Andrew Tate is an influencer millionaire on trial for sex trafficking in Romania. “The controversial British-American influencer Andrew Tate is facing trial in Romania. He has been charged with rape, human trafficking and forming an organised crime group to sexually exploit women…Now, the 36-year-old former kickboxer boasts more than 6.9 million followers on Twitter - and a worldwide profile.
- Andrew Tate charged with rape and human trafficking
- Andrew Tate 'choked me until I passed out'
- Andrew Tate challenged on misogyny in combative BBC interview” See: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-64125045
(4) FURTHER READING: Sociologist and Professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Jessica McCrory Calarco is an award-winning teacher, a leading expert on inequalities in family life and education, and the author of Holding it Together: How Women Became America’s Social Safety Net. I highly recommend it! (Of course, this is for adult readers.)
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